Volume 1 Edition 2 May 30, 2014

De Gnus

De Verse


Faithful readers must be wondering why the promised weekly editions have not eventuated. It is because the Fates poisoned my friend’s mother with a raspberry pie in an attempt to gain an extension of time in their campaign to make the future seem even more backward.


Tuesday, May 27th, the day after we honor uniforms so nobly filled, my friend’s 85 year old mother, now fully recovered, asked she be taken to the Boulder Hotel for a rare steak. A man met them at the door dressed in a fine suit, not of the polyester leisure’s variety worn by Harry Reid when he chaired the Gaming Commission as Mormon Mafioso.


So, at first, my friend was initially deceived by this ectomorphic doorman. But his suit was clearly empty, as those of the Deseret Tribesmen eating their desserts at a nearby table.


“Meet the Lieutenant Governor,” the greeter Cheshire-catted. .


My friend thought this guy needed a swift kick in the couch more than IQ transfusions but could only deploy his mouth.


“I thought Brian Krolicki is in Seattle,” replied my friend.


Mark Hutchinson,” said the shill, condemning my friend as a dolt with his eyes, which had suddenly turned cold and unfriendly.


“Oh.  The candidate. Pleasant enough guy, for someone puppet strung by the lobbyist Pete Ernaut. But perhaps he would like to meet my Mom”.


Greeter’s eyes blazed. My friend realized he had crashed a fundraiser! The restaurant was closed to ordinary mortals.


His Mother stepped into the breach. “Hell, I was a first grade teacher to a lot of these Mormon brats. I didn’t realize they would support this place.”


“To the Bistro,” my friend said gallantly, breaking the contretemps, and they sailed out the door.


Recently there has been debate as to the difference between a nerd and a nebbish. Bill Gates is certainly a nerd, but has made significant contributions to technology and world health. Mark Hutchinson is both an Empty Suit and a nebbish. All he has done is chase ambulances and worn garments or scapulars or whatever nebbishes wear. He is, charitably, a zero, doofus, dweeb, psychic non-entity, non-starter, drab, ordinary, prosaic and colorless (as opposed to a chameleon) individual.


So Brian Sandoval – you have not yet landed in this column as an Empty Suit. You are doing too far good a job alienating no one, and making sure your garments and scapulars are clean. They certainly are. But really – can anyone imagine Mark Hutchinson as the Governor of Nevada??????


Brian, what can you be thinking? Is this your legacy to the Silver State?


But when one has the choice of a real, live, honest, hard-working, beautiful human being, Sue Lowden, a human being who makes ordinary mistakes like suggesting that chickens be bartered for medical services, and one backs a dumbbell like Hutchinson, you, Brian are perhaps next on the list.





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(We’ll make it a short one in honor of colonized insects of all stripes)





Had ‘em.


The Barbed Bard